"Jenski jabs a stubby, broken-nailed finger into your forehead. Right fucking here." YIKES! I read this piece and have to wonder where it comes from, Jim, and if you have other similar furniture in your head waiting to be unleashed. I find the personal, conversational tone you use in this story, (just you talking to me) to be very effective. It would have had much less immediacy if written in the third person, past tense.
"Jenski jabs a stubby, broken-nailed finger into your forehead. Right fucking here." YIKES! I read this piece and have to wonder where it comes from, Jim, and if you have other similar furniture in your head waiting to be unleashed. I find the personal, conversational tone you use in this story, (just you talking to me) to be very effective. It would have had much less immediacy if written in the third person, past tense.
That was good, but sad. I’d hate to be in that position!